As a matter of fact, I just did make it up; but that’s not the point. The point is that once again my enjoyment of the in-flight snack was marred by burning hatred of the airline, the Federal Aviation Administration, and the cast of Dr Doolittle 3 (the in-flight movie). Bin Laden I don’t mind so much. To me he’s just a nutter in a cave on the other side of the world. I don’t feel anything like the rancour towards him that I feel for the interfering old gusset-face who made me wait behind the yellow line until it was my turn to put my shoes in the x-ray machine. In fact, I quite like him.
Unlike the FAA, Bin Laden has a coherent Weltanschaung that a person of average intelligence might understand. The real maniac is the guy who banned nail scissors. By the way, if they confiscate your clippers, a bottle of duty-free Scotch makes a spiffing cosh. I wrote that on one of the sick bags. That will put the wind up them, those cocksuckers.
Continental Airlines, Business Class. "For your comfort and safety we ask that all passengers remain manacled for the entire trip, with sacks over their heads. Thank you for choosing Continental."
