"Some British people are nice. But on Friday and Saturday night everybody gets drunk. Many girls get pregnant at 16 or 17. The general level of education is low. I'm going back for a couple of months to collect our things. Then we'll start a new life in Bulgaria."I don’t blame her. The big danger of EU expansion is that Britain’s skilled workers and young professionals may leave in unprecedented numbers, attracted by the higher standard of living in Bulgaria and Albania.
I left High Wycombe in the 90s to seek a better life in the Gaza Strip. People who have never been to Wycombe think I’m joking when I tell them this, but that’s actually what I did do, and it was the right decision. Sure, Wycombe has a Municipal Leisure Complex and a tree, but in most other respects the quality of life is better in the Gaza camps.
Wycombe’s main selling point, apart from the tree, is that there aren’t quite so many terrorist loonies and swarms of locusts (though we're catching up). When I was a nipper, strangers would arrive off the train, take one look at the surroundings and say, “Great God, this is a dreadful place!”
“Cheer up!” I would tell them. “At least there aren’t any terrorists.”
Last month's bomb plot means we're going to have to come up with a new redeeming feature. Being marginally less hellish than Slough isn't cutting it anymore.
"Welcome to High Wycombe. Keep out."
I don't know what this is supposed to be. Most of the town looks like this.
