KILLER FACT!

The Lunacy Act of 1890 gave mental hospitals the power to detain "lunatics, idiots and persons of unsound mind". The Mental Deficiency Act 1913 increased these powers, establishing a Board of Control to monitor asylums.

How do you go about getting someone sectioned these days? If I gave them an anonymous tip-off that my father was a fruitcake, do you think they’d send a van? Or would I have to provide video evidence of him roaring and throwing potatoes at the neighbours?

IDIOTS!

"Two more attempts to regain contact with NASA's Mars Global Surveyor spacecraft failed this week."

Ha ha. Stupid Americans can’t even send a spaceship to Mars without fucking it up.

It’s hardly rocket science.

FOOTBALLER, OF ALL PEOPLE, CHARGED WITH ASSAULT

A sad day for sport. The ugly spectre of violence has erupted into football's hushed cloisters:

"West Ham defender Anton Ferdinand has been charged with assault and violent disorder."

Nothing could be more alien to the spirit of this wonderful game than a sordid punch-up in a nightclub, but once again a tiny majority of vicious psycopaths is letting everyone down. There must be literally tens of football players who aren’t drunken thugs and wife-beaters.

It is time for them to speak out. Because if this is how the players behave then before you know it West Ham fans might also become violent and disorderly.


Has football lost its innocence?

KILLER FACT!

Parmesan cheese accounts for 10 per cent of thefts from Italian shops —more than any other good.

'GREATEST LIVING ECONOMIST' NOW 28th GREATEST DEAD ONE

Milton Friedman has been killed by stingray, following a titanic underwater struggle.

"Milton was one of the great thinkers and economists of the 20th century," said Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose films include Conan the Destroyer and Twins.

Should we let the invisible hand caress our organ of government, as Friedman argued, or should we reintroduce the Golden Age of Steam? What do you think?

	Allow invisible hand to caress organ of government
	Re-introduce Golden Age of Steam
Free polls from Pollhost.com

QUEEN RECALLS PARLIAMENT

I can recall parliament, too. It’s that large neo-gothic building full of freaks, next to the river. I just wish I could recall why I bought this porcelain badger on eBay. A fat fucking lot of good that did me.





And speaking of no use at all, John Reid says that "security in a fast-changing world" will be the central theme of the Queen's Speech. "Mr Reid said security from the front room to the global level will be addressed in the next parliamentary session."

I really feel sorry for the Queen, having to read this hogwash.

DOWNFALL OF AN EVIL GENIUS

A Wisconsin master criminal has been arrested for passing a fake $20 bill. Eagle-eyed sales clerk Teresa Wells first suspected skulduggery when she noticed it was made of photocopier paper, and was blank on one side. Apart from that, it was indistinguishable from the real thing.

In Wisconsin, this person is known as The Phantom.



(Via fark.com)

ARMY BOXER, 67, BEATS THIEVES

How is it that every old man who gets mugged these days turns out to be a former boxing champion, or martial arts instructor for the SAS? It’s starting to get on my nerves. Just once I would like to read that a gang of youths set upon an old man who wasn’t a kung fu champion, gave him a good beating, then ran off with his stuff.

An 87-year-old former British karate champion got a nasty surprise Thursday, when he tried to take on a gang of fit young men who attacked him near his home.

"He picked on the wrong muggers,” said gang-leader Terry Scrote (19). “His geriatric martial arts skills were no match for our baseball bats, and he got a real pasting.”

From Hot Chicks With Douchebags.com:



Amazing, isn’t it? I mean, how does someone this twerpish-looking get women like that?

That’s not a criticism, by the way. It’s a serious question. I genuinely want to know how. He could scarcely look more foolish if he wore a pair of moose antlers. What can he possibly have said to them?








(Via Abandon all fear)

THE ANDREW SULLIVAN HOAX

I had a traditional upbringing by neo-Nazi Scottish crofters in the slums of Rio de Janeiro. While I often disagree with whatever Andrew Sullivan is saying –indeed, the opposite is usually the case- I have tremendous admiration for his courage, honesty, clarity of vision, etc. However, his ‘emails of the day’ are obvious hoaxes:

8.11.06- I'm a 29 year old, lifelong conservative Republican, and Roman Catholic from Pennsylvania. I'm not sure I agree with you 100% on everything, but I appreciate your intellectual honesty...

7.11.06- I was raised in an Irish-Catholic New Deal family... I appreciate your clarity, honesty and dedication to humane values...

2.11.06- I am an upper middle class, stay at home wife and mother of 2. All my life, I have believed in working hard, paying our own way and voting Republican ... but I just don't see how I can at this point in time. Watching you on CNN was a great relief...

30.10.06- I have lived my entire life in the south... You have broken the mold of what I consider to be a conservative and have helped me realize that there is hope to once again unite this country.

28.10.06- I am a proud Liberal and as such, you and I don't agree on some points. However, my observations of you are that above being a Traditional Conservative you are first a Realist and I have a tremendous amount of respect for that.

15.10.06- I grew up in a small town, raised conservative Christian by conservative and amazing parents, turned out gay... Although i don't always agree with you, I always find your opinions insightful.

13.10.06- My entire family is reading your book together, we're giving each other until Thanksgiving when we can all get together and talk about it.

I’ve been around a bit, seen a few things, but I have honestly never met anyone who talks like this. The guy who appreciates Sullivan’s dedication to humane values actually said that Sullivan and his blog have given him a sense that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of political darkness.

I simply do not believe that Andrew Sullivan and his blog have given this man a sense that there is light at the end of this tunnel of political darkness. Nor do I necessarily believe that Sullivan writes them all himself, though it is clear they are all the work of a sole lunatic.

Who he is, or what drives him (other than his own madness) I don’t know. It’s a pretty dull mystery, as mysteries go.

DEMOCRATS HAVE 49 POINT LEAD, SAY POLES

Atrios has published some posts on his blog just days before the congressional elections. You have to admit, the timing is suspicious.

The Democrats have a 49 point lead, according to the Poles. But what the hell do the Poles know about it? And why are they always poking their noses in?

There are now more than a million Poles in the UK, according to my evil old father. I really like them, though I don’t much care for him. As far as I’m concerned, they are welcome. Where I draw the line is a Turk.

Anyway, so this guy walks down the street with a long stick. Someone says, “Are you a pole vaulter?”

“No, I’m a German. How did you know my name was Valter?”

Ba doom, ba doom, tish!



UPDATE! When I said the Democrats have a 49 point lead, I was obviously referring to their lead over the Welsh Nationalists. Their lead over the Republicans is less solid, more like 13%.

"DEFIANT TO THE END, SADDAM SHOUTS AT JUDGE"

That guy's got serious issues, always yelling and angry. He needs to learn to control his temper, before it gets him into trouble.

He could learn a lot from my father's friend Derek. When he was suffering from stress, he didn't shout at judges, or order massacres. You know what Derek did? He would take the phone of the hook for five minutes and walk around his office, juggling fruit. He made millions.

But are they right to hang Saddam Hussein, of previous good character, for a first offence? Will the death penalty deter other people from committing genocide? It will be egg on face time if they string him up, then it turns out they got the wrong guy.

REPORTER DROWNED LIKE CAT

Is it acceptable to waterboard the Fox News reporters who threaten our way of life? Many would argue, yes, drown them like mangy cats. They don't respect the Geneva Conventions, so why should we?

Others would say that this only makes us as bad as them. If in fighting Fox News reporters we become Fox News reporters ourselves, then the Fox News reporters have won, type of thing.

Maybe they thought they would get valuable information out of him. Fat chance of that. Information given under torture, and on Fox News, is notoriously unreliable.



Is it better that millions of innocent people get wiped out by a suitcase nuke, or that Japanese women put cats in their mouths? Skip that, that was a dumb question.

Incidentally, this is what your cat would do to you, if he were big enough. Never forget that.