BLOWJOB CITY

I sit in one of the dives on 82nd street, and my heart sinks as this woman gets out some photos of her bastard cats and starts telling me stories about them. Robin is the naughty one, you see. He sometimes wakes her up. And -get this- he won’t eat his fish with the skin on.

I sat there, having a bad time. I had zero interest in these cats, but I calculated that if I could just listen to another couple of hours of this tedious nonsense she would come back to my place for five minutes of clammy, loveless sex: the very reason I had gone out in the first place.

But I calculated wrong. She got in a taxi, and I stood in the road realising that I had been tricked into listening to the cat stories for free. And my thoughts turned to something Musafir wrote in the comments:

large dog= biker ex-boyfriends
cat= nightly headaches
small dog= blowjob city

This sounds prima facie quite plausible but, as Sherlock Holmes said, it is a capital error to theorize before one has data. Has anyone done any research on this? What do scholars say? I checked the Zogby polls, but all they’ve got there is a load of boring rubbish about American politics, none of which makes the slightest difference to my life.