Sorry I haven’t updated. I spent the last three weeks getting drunk to celebrate the election of Joe Biden as America’s 47th white vice-president. I never thought I’d live to see the day. Me and some other whites went out for a drink, then after a few port and lemons Giles Poncington (a pasty acquaintance of mine) starts asking if Biden is white enough. This led to a sharp exchange of views with Biffo Dingethorpe, who argued that Boris Johnson is even whiter than Biden, and yet a bigger arse-head you shall not see in a summer’s day.

The discussion soon degenerated into a snarling melee between the Whites and the Very Whites, and to cut a long story short I just got out on bail this morning.