It just occurred to me that I could drop dead and it would be several months before anyone noticed. A few people would say, “Where’s that tosser?” then they’d shrug and go back to captioning cats on the internet. Probably the gas company would be the first to realise I had croaked, when they came round to cut me off.

The neighbours would continue to play their hideous pop music as I lay rotting a few yards away. What a barbarous age!