Sending an email to Obama turns out to have been a mistake. They’ve been bombarding me with crap ever since. Here is this morning’s effort, supposedly from his wife:

My Backstage With Barack Story
H -- Barack likes to tell a story about the two of us standing backstage before his speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention.

The way he tells it, he was too busy in the days before the convention to feel any pressure -- but about an hour before the speech, I could tell he was getting a little nervous.

To break the tension, right before he went out on stage I leaned in close and said, "Just don't screw it up, buddy."

We laughed. And then Barack brought the house down.

Make a contribution of $5 or more today and you could have your own Backstage with Barack story to tell.

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My Train Platform With Sir Walter Story
Dear Michelle— Nothing that interesting has ever happened to me, though I did once cross paths with someone quite famous!

I was standing on the platform at Darlington station in 1939, when I saw a well-known figure, reading The Times.

“Aren’t you Sir Walter Wommersly, the Minister for Pensions?” I inquired.

“Very much so,” Sir Walter replied, with a twinkle in his eye.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if this train was late,” I joshed. And sure enough it was!

How we both laughed! Then five and a half years later, Herr Hitler committed suicide.

Tell Barack that if he wants to use that in his speeches, he can.

CORRESPONDENCE WITH OBAMA

Dear Obama,
I see from the television set that you are in Berlin. There’s this great little restaurant there, you should definitely check it out. I can’t remember what it’s called or where it is, but they do they do this like pie with this like sauce on it. The pie has some name in German. I’ll send you an email if I remember what it is.

If you mention my name, I’m sure they’ll give you a table.

Guten Appetit!


OBAMA REPLIES:
Dear H,
Thank you for contacting Obama for America… Your thoughts on our campaign and America's future are greatly appreciated.

Individual citizens like you are the foundation of this campaign….

The open discussion we want to facilitate cannot take place without hearing from people expressing a wide range of views.

Thank you again for writing.

Sincerely,

The Correspondence Team
Obama for America

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Here are some more useful links to help you get started:

Learn more about Barack's policy positions: http://my.barackobama.com/acissues
See Barack in person or attend a campaign event: view the Events section toward the bottom of the front page www.BarackObama.com.
Invite Senator Obama or Michelle to an event: http://invite.barackobama.com
Donate: http://my.barackobama.com/acdonate
Buy Obama Gear: http://my.barackobama.com/acstore

THEY NEED A GOOD BEATING

The Elberry writes:

“i’ve decided to pack temping in and become a TV producer. i’m going to start my own reality TV show; it will be called They Need a Good Beating’.... Contestants will be lured into the studio with false talk of a Big Brother style celebration of human nastiness. They will believe they stand to become Jady Goodie-like celebrities, lauded by the press, imitated by an adoring public, and set for minor stardom and appearance on the Richard & Judy Show.

Instead they will be severely beaten.”

My friend Kev once fell into a vat of pancake mix. He was severely battered.

Ba-doom, ba-doom, tish!

It just occurred to me that I could drop dead and it would be several months before anyone noticed. A few people would say, “Where’s that tosser?” then they’d shrug and go back to captioning cats on the internet. Probably the gas company would be the first to realise I had croaked, when they came round to cut me off.

The neighbours would continue to play their hideous pop music as I lay rotting a few yards away. What a barbarous age!

Every time I fly over Colombia I look down and think “jungle is massive”, then I have that damnable song going round my head for the next three days.