AMONG THE GITS

“I’m a Management Consultant,” said this git I spoke with on the phone just now. He sounded pleased with himself. Then I got transferred to a different git who claimed to be a “Systems Development Manager”, or something equally foul.

What does a Management Consultant look like? These must be the people you see going into offices, and getting on and off trains. But does anyone really know what they are up to? What if -and this is the nightmare scenario- their leader suddenly gives a signal, and they all come running out of their offices, zapping us with ray guns? They give me the heebie jeebies.

Apart from nurses and the Fire Brigade, the only people in the country who still do anything useful are the staff of Tesco. If it weren’t for them we’d have to kill our own food, if you think about it.

WEB OF WEASELS

When I was a child they wouldn't let us have a car so I never did learn to drive until I was older. That was the dark days when I had nowhere to stay. I slept in an old windmill for a while but they came and burnt it down one night so I had to hightail it out of there before they got me surrounded.

And so I arrived in the city with nothing but my dreams and a 38.

Arlington’s a genius. Everyone else on the internet makes me sick.

Toadies, rogues, poltroons, sheep-biters, louts, weasels...

KILLER FACT!

Serbia grows a third of the world’s raspberries*.

*A popular deciduous fruit prized for its fresh, fruity and bright red color. Not technically a berry.

STINKING YANKEE NARCISSISTS

Today is Colombian Independence day. I was talking to a guy at the airport the other day who told me the US is creating a quagmire in Colombia, as if the Colombians weren’t perfectly capable of organising their own quagmires. They’ve been having a quagmire ever since they got independence from Spain, and I resent the way these Americans try to claim the credit for everything.

Republicans claim the credit for everything good that happens, such as last year's Cedar Revolution, while Democrats claim the credit for everything bad, like the coup in Venezuela. The idea that the Lebanese and the Venezuelans might have had anything to do with it doesn’t compute.

Znet has 2240 articles about Colombia. Virtually all of them mention the US in the first paragraph; but try to find one that mentions an actual Colombian, an actual inhabitant of this Land of Quagmires. Yet surely the Colombians must have at least some role in their own civil war, however much the Americans stick their noses in.

I have come to the conclusion that no one really gives a toss about any of the countries down here, except as a way to keep talking about their big obsession, which is the United States.

You don't get many laughs at Andrewsullivan.com, but this is truly side-splitting.

NOTHING BUT ROGUERY IN VILLAINOUS MAN

Also of interest: True.com, "the only dating site that screens for felons and married people."

It's a wicked world, isn't it?



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THE SKELETONS IN CLOSETS ARE THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG

"DontDateHimGirl.com, a controversial new website that lets women publicly out the men who cheat on them to avoid the heartache of dating the cad."

The skeletons in closets are coming home to roost! (Tom Stoppard.) All it takes is a few clicks, and some vindictive heifer you went out with during the Major administration can log in and expose you as a first-class swine.

This website represents the thin end of a very large wedge. I’ll probably get off lighter than most, since I have always tried to steer clear of women who speak English. But those of you who laughed at the misfortunes of Bill O’Reilly and poor Rod Liddle are going to get your comeuppance big time.

UPDATE!
Arrgh! Spoke too soon.