FASHION TIP

Throw away all your clothes and buy a monk’s habit. That's what I'm going to do. I can’t be bothered with proper clothes and ironing anymore. I was just packing my suitcase and I thought what a pain in the arse it all is. In future, I’m going to travel with nothing but a monk’s habit, a toothbrush, and something to read. All the rest is vanity and vexation of spirit. Plus, I’ll never get mugged if I am dressed like Friar Tuck.

Only turkeys go to Marks and Spencer. All the years I spent buying “shirts”- I can’t believe what a sucker I’ve been. The fashion industry –that is, a racket run by French woofters- has brainwashed everyone. That’s the only reason people want “shirts”. Well I’m not going to take it any more.

Seriously, wear a monk’s habit. If you think about it, it really makes sense. When you consider all the advantages, it is eccentric not to wear a monk’s habit.

                   
                In                                         Out

KILLER FACT!

Bolivia has had 189 coups d'état.

The reason I mention it is that I think Britain is about due for one. The Blairs will be strung up above a petrol pump any day now. I won’t be sorry to see that happen, of course, but a change of rulers is the joy of fools*, and unless the army takes over, it will be either:

a) Brown seizes power
b) The Tories get back in

Both roads lead to certain ruin, yet these are the choices we face. I would slightly prefer rule by military junta on lesser evil grounds, but I agree it’s not ideal. Or we could just do away with parliament and let the Queen rule the country on her own.

Whose idea was it to have elections, anyway? If MPs were selected by competitive examination we wouldn’t be in this hole. We don’t elect airline pilots or heart surgeons, so why Prime Ministers? The idea that Mr Average Briton, walking around Tesco with his mouth hanging open, should be allowed to choose the government is superstitious nonsense.

*Romanian proverb

"NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW THIS, BUT THE FUHRER WAS A TERRIFIC DANCER"

I was just a paper hanger
No one more obscurer
Got a phone call from the Reichstag
Told me I was Fuhrer...

What's your favourite version of The Producers?

YOU COULD CUT THE TEDIUM WITH A KNIFE

These are the highlights of my stay in the Chicago Airport Travelodge. It's a beautiful story, and yet it's true.

ARRAGH!

"Arragh! Fookin' knob head."

It's nice to see the young people enjoying themselves.

BORING FACT!

Ecuador has a higher GDP per capita than Belarus.

ANCIENT LOS ANGELES

Ivan the Wrathful has a post about odd book titles: "How to Bombproof Your Horse", etc. To which I would have added The Devil's Cloth: A History of Stripes, by Michel Pastoureau, and Michael Jacob Rochlin's Ancient L.A.

There was a thing about dull book titles in the Spectator about a decade and a half ago:

The Street Names of Thatcham
With Rod and Reel in Northern Bechuanaland
Teach Yourself Practical Concreting

...are the ones I remember. (All genuine, apparently.) Champion bore Glenn Reynolds has a new book out, but you have to admit that the title is pretty good: An Army of Davids. No doubt the rest of it is the most frightful tosh.

When I was small there was a craze for joke book titles:

The Cat's Revenge, by Claude Balls
Falling off a Cliff, by Eileen Dover
The French Chef by Sue Flay
Nail in the Banister, by R. Stornaway

Good clean fun. Kids these days are probably too busy getting high on glue and headbanging to their "skiffle music".