THEY LOVE IT REALLY

Bogota- An oaf has been sentenced to four years in jail for slapping a woman on the arse. Police caught the scoundrel, a 22 year-old bicycle messenger, and asked his victim if she wanted to biff him in the chops as a way of cutting though the red tape. But she insisted on pressing charges.

Four years! He would have got less than that for clubbing her over the head with a lump of wood. Indeed, under the Law of Justice and Peace (for demobilised FARC, AUC, etc.) you can get a lighter sentence than that for massacring peasants, as long as you promise not to massacre any more. There’s a moral here, if only I could work out what it was.

SITE ANNOUNCEMENT

I have gone to Sinai, there to cleanse the flesh.
I shall live on roots and berries. And visions.

Through suffering there is redemption.

Back on Tuesday. Have a great weekend.

FOR TRULY GREAT BILLBOARDS YOU GOTTA GO TO PYONGYANG

Quico thinks these giant smiling Chavez posters are sinister, as well as being in questionable taste.

The thing is, based on statues and giant billboards “peppering the landscape” a visitor from North Korea would probably conclude that England is a dictatorship ruled by David Beckham. (In fact, this is not the case: we are a parliamentary democracy ruled by a git.) Of course, for truly great billboards you gotta go to Pyongyang.

It is time to cast out all the fatted calves from the temple. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds apt.



North Korea. Makes up in billboards what it lacks in wine, women and song.

DAVID IRVING

David Irving jailed for Holocaust denial.

Seriously, have you ever met a Holocaust denier? Can you, off the top of your head, name three Holocaust deniers? They don’t scare me. In the UK I would say they are about 900th on the list of dangers, behind escaped zoo animals and clumsy people with hot drinks.

People who don’t look where they are going are a genuine menace, but once again our political class buries its head in the sand.

ACCENTUATE THE NEGATIVE

They’re still going on about that Cheney thing. Jesus, you shoot one lawyer…

This week he hasn’t shot anyone, though you’d never learn that from the Mainstream Media.

Once, when I was a young sprout, I saw some dead pheasants our kitchen, and noticed that they had holes in them. “Daddy, have these been shot?” I asked. “No,” he said. “They give themselves up.”

Nasty old man.

WHO WAS WORSE, BLAIR OR HITLER?

“I think Blair has always meant well,” writes Brian Micklethwait, responding to my last post. Sorry, Brian, I can’t agree with you. In my opinion he’s worse than Hitler*.

Hitler had his faults, of course, as he himself would be the first to admit. Many of his “Nazi theories” have now been debunked. With the benefit of hindsight his invasion of Russia was ill-conceived, and his scheme to exterminate the “lesser races” has been widely discredited.

But once you accept his premises –lebensraum, the supremacy of the Ayran race, etc.- his actions did have a kind of loony logic. He meant well. Blair, on the other hand, is working single-mindedly for the triumph of Evil. Only when you have grasped this do his policies make any sense.

Now I’m not trying to defend the Nazis here, don’t get me wrong, but they did at least leave behind a few autobahns. Labour merely fucked up the railways, with no compensating benefits. Whether they “meant well” is beside the point, though in my opinion they did not mean well, but were motivated by malice, hatred of the British public, and the sheer joy of wrecking.

Can you imagine Blair taking responsibility for the state of Network Rail, and shooting himself in a burning bunker? Of course you can't. At least Hitler could admit when he was wrong.

*Adolf Hitler, a controversial Austrian politician. Unsound on ID cards.

MAD RULER BANS MORE STUFF

It’s been a pretty good week for all you non-smoking, non-terrorism glorifying, pro-ID card tossers. All going your way at the moment, isn’t it? Must be feeling pretty pleased with yourselves.

For now you triumph. But you’ll get your comeuppance, you swine. That slippery villain is going to ruin us all. You think he doesn’t have plans for you too? You think that just because you don’t smoke or glorify terrorists you’re off the hook? Just wait. You’re gonna learn the hard way.


What’s this madman going to ban next?