A RIGHT TIT

Hitchens, though in many ways a tit, appears to have been right on this occasion.

UPDATE! I’ve never told anyone this before, but I actually quite like Hitchens. (Keep it under your hat.) Though in some ways a tit, he is also the Real Thing. He isn’t just some overpaid mediocrity of the Andrew Sullivan type.

If you compare the most prominent left-wing columnist, whom I suppose is Krugman, with Kos; or if you compare Mark Steyn with Glenn Reynolds; or Robert Fisk with Juan Cole; or Hitchens with Michael Totten: in every case the newspaper guy is the genuine article, while the blogging equivalent is a tiresome snivelling non-entity.

Takes one to know one.

WE CAME HERE TO LEARN ENGLISH, NOT PRANCE AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF KANSAS CITY FAGGOTS

If you showed this to an ordinary person he would say, "What, in the name of Beelzebub...?" But show it to an English teacher and he would say, "Ah yes. The audio-lingual method."

This kind of nonsense is completely standard in the TEFL racket.

via Dog Bones

KNOB-HEADS

The Send A Pizza To An Israeli Soldier campaign has been a victim of its own success. The soldier in question has already received more than 20,000 pizzas and is suffering from cholesterol poisoning.

What kind of knob-head sends pizzas to the Israeli Army?

UPDATE! Someone told me that the pizza idea is funny because it will “irritate the lefties”. Well all right, but in that case why not send pizzas to the Republican Party or the board of British Petroleum? And surely there are more irritating things than a pizza. You could ring on a lefty’s doorbell and run away tittering, for example. Or hurl Milton Friedman's Monetary History Of The United States through his window, tied to a brick. Or cut though all the red tape and simply punch him on the nose.

Sending baked bread covered in cheese and tomatoes* to the Levant is going about it the long way, it seems to me.

*with optional toppings

DEATH HATH SO MANY DOORS...

"Christopher Hitchens will be executed at 12.00 noon GMT on 20 July."

The most chilling words I have ever read. It doesn't say whether he was to be shot, strangled, knifed or bludgeoned: death hath so many doors to let out life. On the other hand, he could also be garrotted, poisoned or thrown off a building. This last one has the advantage that it could be made to look like an accident, and if I were going to assassinate Hitchens that would probably be my method.

Or I might just let out a great bellow and charge at him with one of those Chinese meat cleavers. Yaarrrghh! That would wipe the smile off his face.

Though obviously I hope and pray this never happens.



Hitchens. Even as we speak he could be being shot, strangled, knifed, bludgeoned, poisoned, garrotted...

AMONG THE GITS

“I’m a Management Consultant,” said this git I spoke with on the phone just now. He sounded pleased with himself. Then I got transferred to a different git who claimed to be a “Systems Development Manager”, or something equally foul.

What does a Management Consultant look like? These must be the people you see going into offices, and getting on and off trains. But does anyone really know what they are up to? What if -and this is the nightmare scenario- their leader suddenly gives a signal, and they all come running out of their offices, zapping us with ray guns? They give me the heebie jeebies.

Apart from nurses and the Fire Brigade, the only people in the country who still do anything useful are the staff of Tesco. If it weren’t for them we’d have to kill our own food, if you think about it.

WEB OF WEASELS

When I was a child they wouldn't let us have a car so I never did learn to drive until I was older. That was the dark days when I had nowhere to stay. I slept in an old windmill for a while but they came and burnt it down one night so I had to hightail it out of there before they got me surrounded.

And so I arrived in the city with nothing but my dreams and a 38.

Arlington’s a genius. Everyone else on the internet makes me sick.

Toadies, rogues, poltroons, sheep-biters, louts, weasels...

KILLER FACT!

Serbia grows a third of the world’s raspberries*.

*A popular deciduous fruit prized for its fresh, fruity and bright red color. Not technically a berry.