I was just explaining to an American that there used to be this comedian called Angus Deayton who had a quiz show. Then he was caught with a hooker and got fired, and Boris Johnsons took over as quiz-show host. And that was how he became famous, and now the tit is running our capital city.

Deayton, a comedian, single-handedly caused the whole disaster. He and the voters.

Instead of Cleopatra’s Nose, future historians will talk about how it was Deayton’s Knob that altered the course of history.

THE PANTOMIME OF TURKO THE TERRIBLE

Boris Johnsons is again being “dogged by allegations of racism”. Oh, yeah? Well I’m racist about him, that slippery Turk*.

My ancestors have been on that freezing island since Knut the Longbeard. What they were doing there, I couldn’t tell you. Genealogy is fucking tedious, even when it’s your own. And if I did trace one of them back to the middle ages Grandpa Hutton would probably just turn out to be some swineherd who died of pox. But he was there, and he did his bit.

"Oft did the harvest to their sickle yield,
Their furrow oft the stubborn glebe has broke..."

What the hell is a “glebe”? That’s not the point. The point is that I’m damned if I’ll treat any Turk as my equal, old Etonian or not.

What do you think about that, Mr Turko (if you’re reading this)?

Ah, to hell with you.



*Johnsons is great-grandson of Ali Kemal Bey, interior minister in the government of Damat Ferid Pasha who, as every schoolboy knows, was Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire.

HOW FOOLISH

“The price of the first pictures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s twins is set to break records with an estimated $15 million price tag, with tabloid magazines People and OK! battling for the photos. The celebrity whelps are to be called Equanimity and Fossil Fuel, reflecting the celebrity couple’s twin passions for Buddhism and renewable energy sources. “By the time Fossil Fuel celebrates his 70th birthday, he will be the only Fossil Fuel left,” Jolie said, in an interview with Larry King. “That’s the point we’re making”.

I once came second in a Brad Pitt lookalike competition. A Japanese guy won it.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I like the kind of pornography where a guy tricks a girl into fellating him by sticking his member through a hole he cut into a pizza.”

(John McCain)

Sorry I haven't updated. I was busy watching fist-fights on YouTube.